Lucy V Hay (left), Amy Walker, Marc Pye and Rebecca Gatward at the London Screenwriters' Festival 2010.

WRITING & KIDS, PT 2: Working from Home

The title of this post is a little misleading, as I feel it can be applied to anyone who works from home whilst looking after children – not just writers. And there are a lot of us: I am of course not just a writer, but a script reader and self employed teacher (ie. “outside” the state school system) as well. I know parents who make jewellery and other crafts whilst looking after children (my own parents did this for a time as I was growing up, in fact); accountants; copy editors; web designers – the list of jobs you can do in this way is endless.

The internet has called us Mumpreneurs, though of course it’s not just women working in this way, but men too. Creating your own work and becoming a sole trader, starting up your own limited company is hard work and sometimes means unsocial hours, but it also has many benefits. For me, my working hours mean I am nearly always available to pick up my daughter from school or have the kids at home with me if they’re (really) ill; in addition, I’ve never missed a nativity, school play or sports day.

Self employment is not the easy option by a long shot; for one thing, you’re never going to get rich, especially when work often comes in a “famine or feast” kind of way as it does with Bang2write. As a sole trader like me, you’re often working alone and this can be very isolating, especially from other parents at school. It’s hard to know how to answer that inevitable question at the school gates, “Do you work?” Say “yes” and some stay-at-home Mums think you’re trying to lord it over them in a “aha, I have the best of BOTH worlds” kind of way; say “no” and some think you could be lazy and/or have nothing to talk about, isolating you even further.

Though the above is hardly the end of the world, this is not something other working parents have to go through, as their children inevitably end up going to after school clubs and childminders. The worse things, then: job security – where is the next bit of work coming from? No sick pay, or poor information from people should know better – when I was pregnant with my daughter, I was advised by TWO places – my midwife and the local job centre – there was no such thing as Maternity Allowance for self employed women (but there was). This meant I was reading scripts again within two weeks of giving birth! Better still, the first script I read dealt with the rape and murder of a child. I was absolutely inconsolable.

Whilst I have friends working in offices etc who confess feeling guilty or gutted about missing the like of their baby’s first words or their childminder ended up taking the child on their first day of school, that need never happen to those parents working from home. But guilt is still very much part of your working life, too – only in a different way to other working parents. Take your pick: you don’t earn enough money to take the kids on a foreign holiday like their mates, you end up camping in the rain in Devon, instead. You can’t afford a swanky private school like the Smythes down the road and the local comprehensive is shit, but you can’t home school your kids either ‘cos you need to earn money whilst working from home. There are times the proverbial hits the fan on a project and you’re working quite literally day and night, including weekends, not seeing your kids, sometimes for little or even NO money (particularly on collaborations or if there has been a mistake). You see your colleagues and siblings train for their jobs and start on the career ladder and get higher and higher, whilst you stay more or less the same in your own working world – and then you worry you’re setting a poor example, especially if your kids **think** all you do is spend all day on Facebook.

All those horror stories and bad points aside however, working from home will always be my choice of employment. I’ve worked *for* others – “in the system” as it were – and believe the benefits of self employment outweigh the bad ones in the long term. If you’re thinking of taking the plunge as a “Mum/Dadpreneur” or as a professional writer then, here are my thoughts on combining working from home with looking after kids:

It’s all about routine again. There will be many times you’re fielding calls and emails or doing something work-related, whilst trying to keep a small child amused or seeing to an older kid’s needs. If you try and do all at once, not only will your brain explode, your kid will lose out. Routine here is key, just as outlined in the previous post about writing specs while looking after kids. You and your kids need to negotiate a deal that works for all of you. In my house now, I start on the admin of the day at about 8am usually, while the kids watch their morning cartoons, so most of my emails and urgent calls etc is done by approximately 10am (which also takes in the school run). When my daughter was not at school and my lad was still at primary, I had a different routine because my daughter liked to jump off sofas etc and start fights with her brother. Work out what needs to be done FIRST, via what your kids need and you can’t go far wrong. Then factor in the other stuff – a diary is essential if you don’t have a good memory or have many varied tasks that need doing – and structure your day and week accordingly. Breaking up your To Do list into small chunks seems a good strategy, especially when a small child is in the house, “little and often”, it all adds up.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up. There will be unsocial hours and there will be evenings and weekends taken up by work from time to time; it’s just the way of it. When my daughter was first born, I was doing my script reports every night from about 7pm for nearly a year, as I had zero childcare. But though you might miss bathtime or bedtime from time to time, this doesn’t make you a bad parent – and kids are very adaptable. Just recently I had to bow out of a family trip to the cinema because a ton of scripts fell on me from a great height from a prodco and I had to get started right away or drown. Both kids barely noticed my absence, especially when my husband bought them popcorn too. It’s a shame but a fact of life – and kids do understand.

It’s All About Agreements # 1: Timing. I have one long term Bang2writer who is nocturnal and used to call me past 10pm to discuss projects and script edits. At first I put up with this, thinking I *had* to, to keep his business. This changed when I was approximately 36 weeks pregnant and at the end of my tether for other reasons; I simply told him he had to either email me from now on or call me before 8pm because I actually go to bed at 10pm, as I have to be up at 6am for the kids. Not only did he apologise profusely, he then chastised me for not saying so earlier! My current rule is thus, then: the computer generally goes off about 7pm and it stays off; I don’t talk to Bang2writers after that time, either – tweets, FB msgs and emails are always welcome, but will be responded to in the morning. HOWEVER, if I am signed into Twitter or Facebook after those times (for instance, during #scriptchat at 8pm on a Sunday), I am fair game… but PLEASE still don’t call me on my mobile.

It’s All About Agreements # 2: Housework. My husband and I have an agreement regarding the housework; if I am working, I have no obligation to clean the house or do the chores, as I am already stretched two ways looking after a child and working at the same time. We can do the housework together in the evening. If I am NOT working however – and there are always “dry” periods to self employment, March always is for script reading I find, perhaps because of the end of the financial year? – then I will do it. Agreements like this are always worth re-negotiating as your needs change, too. For example, I am writing a novel at the moment on spec, which obviously requires a lot of time; I’m making no money from it at this specific time, but it needs doing as it is a specific opportunity that has come through my agent. In the past, I’ve done the same regarding trial scripts for TV shows, though I did not get those gigs, unfortunately. (I’m happy to say my husband understands and supports the nature of spec work and applies the same rule of thumb to the housework then as paid-for work like script reading or corporate or other paid-for writing work, though I’m aware some partners are not always as giving when money is not directly involved).

Lilirose : Before she started school, my daughter Lilirose would dress herself while I juggled work and home; it fostered independence in her. Of course, it meant most days she would wear simply a vest, a pair of woolly tights and swimming goggles, but until we actually had to go anywhere, did it matter? No it did not.

It’s All About Agreements # 3: What Children Can Do. Your kids must also accept some responsibility in helping you achieve what you need to get done. I’m not saying older children should look after the younger children for extended periods, become your dogsbody or do other non-”child friendly” things; I’m very keen kids stay kids, ‘cos childhood lasts such a short time. However there are small things they can do to ensure the working day goes smoothly for everyone and no one ends up biting anyone’s heads off. For instance, in my house, my 12 yr old son makes his sister’s toast when he makes his own, most days so I can get on with those emails.  When they’ve finished said breakfast, they both need to take their dishes and glasses to the sink. Both children have to make their beds and ensure their rooms are tidy (or as tidy as a four year old can do). If they’ve made a mess of the living room – my daughter likes to cut things out of magazines, for instance – then they need to clear it up again as best they can. It’s all about making the kids realise it’s about showing willing and that parents are people too.

It’s All About Agreements, # 4: Clients. No list of agreements would be complete without thinking about your client, what they need and how you’re going to achieve it. For a short time I broke my back on ridiculously short turnarounds for scripts, thinking it was the *only* way to get and keep Bang2writers. In time, I came to realise people came to me not *just* for my short turnarounds, but for my expertise – which I had and should hold in higher esteem. As a result, I started structuring my script reports much more realistically. I was honest with Bang2writers about my schedule and started telling people that if it wasn’t quick enough for them, I could always recommend another reader. If anything, people seemed to respect this more than the previous script reading martyr I had been, taking on way too much at once.

Another note on being honest. All the people I work with regularly know the constraints on my time. As a result, I’m rarely asked to go **beyond** what I can humanly do. This works well and it’s only been ONCE I have been dropped from a project for “not being quick enough”. Once upon a time I would have been hurt deeply by this, but now I think, “Good.” Because if that producer’s interest dissipated *that* quickly – it was literally a matter of four days! – then she can’t have been a very safe bet to work with, anyway.

There Will Be Emergency Jobs That Require Bribery or Help. Sometimes something will land on your head from a great height and the ONLY way to deal with the situation is RIGHT NOW. This could mean your routine goes out the window and there is the occasional day of the kid watching Cbeebies and DVDs, whilst eating crisps. As long as it’s not every day, the kid will be okay, HONEST; you’re not scarring them for life or holding back their development. If your situation lasts more than a day, it’s wise to draft in help wherever you can. This doesn’t just mean begging neighbours to take your kid for a “change of scenery” to the park either; think outside the box. When I had an issue fitting a particular project in last year that really needed doing, I called the university and asked for students who wanted to be interns and help me with it. It worked brilliantly and now I work with my “intern” Sal all the time, she’s a great help to me – and she benefits from my experience. It’s win-win. There must be other opportunities for working parents – in whatever jobs – to do this and have students help them lighten the load.

It’s Not The End Of The World If Some Days Your Kids Eat Too Many Biscuits. It wasn’t long before both of my children very cannily worked out that when Mum’s on the computer, NOW is a good time to ask her stuff as there’s a strong chance she will say “yes” absent-mindedly. Both of mine have a very sweet tooth, so these requests usually revolve around the biscuit barrel and “You said I could!” when I object later. Obviously you don’t want this to happen all the time ‘cos it’s not good for them, but the occasional day here and there if they get away with it is not going to kill them and you’re NOT a bad parent because of it, either.

Miscellaneous. Before she started school, my daughter would dress herself while I juggled work and home; it fostered independence in her. Of course, it meant most days she would wear simply a vest, a pair of woolly tights and swimming goggles, but until we actually had to go anywhere, did it matter? No it did not.

Writer and expectant mother, Lucy V Hay

Lucy V Hay is a parent, writer and script editor living in Bournemouth, Dorset. Currently she is working on a novel, associate producing the dark Brit Thriller DEVIATION, starring Danny Dyer & Amber Walton, planning the 2011 London Screenwriters’ Festival and also has time to write a blog at http://lucyvee.blogspot.com/

www.mediaparents.co.uk is a new jobs and social networking website for people who want to work flexibly in media, and companies who support that and want to benefit from experienced, diverse talent.

Screenwriter Lucy V Hay, Media Parents Director Amy Walker, Screenwriter Marc Pye and Director Rebecca Gatward. Gatward: "Being a parent has focussed my career".

www.mediaparents.co.uk Director Amy Walker was invited to speak at the London Screenwriters’ Festival alongside a distinguished panel of Media Parents: Screenwriters Lucy V Hay and Marc Pye spoke about the inspiration they drew from their children, and their methods of working with kids in the house, and Director Rebecca Gatward was clear that motherhood had made her more organised: “Being a parent has focussed my career.  You never switch off, as a parent or at work”.

Happily expecting her third child, Media Parent, screenwriter and script editor Lucy V Hay shares her thoughts on writing and parenting here on the Media Parents blog.

Talking Media Parents at the London Screenwriters' Festival.

I was a parent long before I was a writer or script editor; having a child in your teens before you have even gone to university, never mind started your career, means you have to be able to time manage.

Yet there appears to be this feeling that one has a baby, then you wait for it to get old enough to go to nursery or school, THEN you get started on whatever it is *you* want to do. And of course this works for some people – and if you WANT to wait until your child is old enough to go to school before starting your writing career (or whatever it is you want to do), then that’s absolutely what you should do; there are no value judgements here on what is “best”. Combining parenthood and careers is most definitely one of those things completely up to the individuals involved.

However, if like me you would feel frustrated at *having* to wait the three or four years before your child starts school, there isn’t a reason in the world you can’t get started RIGHT NOW. I have created a a script reading business, a whole portfolio of scripts, got an agent, got meetings and worked on various projects like The London Screenwriters Festival and http://www.deviationmovie.com”, all while looking after children at the same time. And no, I haven’t had oodles of childcare either – 2010 was probably one of my busiest years to date, yet my daughter only went to nursery three MORNINGS a week and I had NO RELATIVES helping me out either, as I live far away from them.

I’m not superwoman, nor am I unique: it’s all down to two things – good time management and strategies.

I’m not superwoman, nor am I unique: I know loads of other writers and media professionals juggling their work and their children in exactly the same way.  It’s all down to two things – good time management and strategies.

First, I’m going to look at how it’s possible to write a spec – or many specs if you want! – whilst looking after kids. Many Bang2writers have told me over the years they feel guilty writing specs while their children watch Cbeebies. Others say it’s difficult staying up late to write when they’ve been hassled by the children all day, their brains are in the “wrong place”; others say they want to get up early in the mornings to write before the children get up, but find there’s always *something* that gets in the way: an ill spouse, a leaking washing machine, a pile of dog sick or that ironing pile that just gets BIGGER AND BIGGER.

But I say you don’t **have** to make your children watch acres of television, ignore household chores, stay up late or get up early to write. I don’t do any of these things when writing specs – yet have still managed to write plenty of them. Lots of people express disbelief at this and think I must be lying; that secretly I’ve had the Wee Girl watch 100 hours of television a week and I’m beavering away at 3am every morning whilst ironing at the same time. But I’m really not. So how can it be done?

By breaking your shackles to the keyboard. I’ve witnessed, countless times, people spending all their available writing time sitting at their PC screen. This is the worst thing you can do when it comes to good time management: for one thing, there’s a strong chance you will end up on social networks instead and while away your time very easily. Secondly, even if your docs are open, you may just end up cutting and moving chunks of your script around – or even worse, simply rewrite the sections you’ve already done (and thus put your finishing date further and further away in the future).

Instead, the time savvy writer who has not much time to actually write will SHUT DOWN THEIR COMPUTER. That’s right. They will NOT sit at the PC when coming up with new ideas or solutions for the problem they are currently having with the script. Instead they will take the dog for a walk if it needs walking; do the ironing; take their kid to their park – maybe all three.

A writer’s best writing is done by thinking.

In other words, they will do REAL LIFE STUFF and let those fictional things come to a natural conclusion in their own head (they should always carry a notebook for a Eureka! moments, of course). Remember: this is  SPEC – there is no deadline, other than your own rising feeling of panic at the thought of *not* getting the project done. So stop panicking. Do the real life stuff that needs doing, get away from the keyboard. You’d be surprised at how quickly it all comes together – as I always say, “A writer’s best writing is done by thinking.”

By experiencing real life with your kid. Congratulations, there is a child in your house. You hopefully wanted one in the first place but even if you didn’t, children are an absolute GIFT to the writer: their view of life is completely different to an adult’s and if you pay close attention, you can share in that view. This can feed into your writing, big time. By knowing life is different for everyone, you won’t be writing your own story all the time; you will also hear how children talk and represent them better on the page, which will hopefully have the knock-on effect of differentiating other adult characters too.

But beyond all that, by getting OUT THERE in the world with your child, you will see other things that can also help writing in the long term. Lots of people often say to me & my children have a weird way of seeing or finding “weird things” like the snake in the hedge, but in reality, lots of other people probably walked right past that hedge and never saw the snake. Why? Because they were probably so focused on their own lives, their own problems, their own work or where they needed to get to, etc.

If you have a child with you, you can usually go at more leisurely pace (provided it’s not the school run, of course) and there are more opportunities to see the more random, screwy side of life. Just recently the Wee Girl and I saw a chap in a suit on a skateboard, with a small dog tucked under one arm. True story. Like kids, you have to learn to really LOOK.

“BUT BUT…!” You say, “This is where the kid has to watch loads of Cbeebies, right? This is where the ironing doesn’t get done or the dog doesn’t get walked?!!!” No, actually and all because of this: ROUTINE.

By having a writing strategy. Here’s mine: write a one page pitch doc and iron out roughly where the story is going; write a longer synopsis or beat sheet. For the actual screenplay, write as many pages as you can every day – but never more than ten; NEVER look back at the previous pages, JUST KEEP GOING. Rinse, repeat until finished. Then, read it all through. It will of course be mostly pants, but there will be some good stuff in there. Do a rewrite on the same basis – as many pages as possible, but never more than ten, etc. Get notes for the third or fourth version, then do the same again… and so on. “BUT BUT…!” You say, “This is where the kid has to watch loads of Cbeebies, right? This is where the ironing doesn’t get done or the dog doesn’t get walked?!!!” No, actually and all because of this:

ROUTINE.

Small children like routines – and if you stick to them military-style and are consistent, those small children will let you write. It’s 100% honest to God true. I know there are children who have learning disabilities who may not be so accommodating (with very good reason), but the average child will be willing to cut you a deal, even if they’re not old enough to know what the word “negotiation” means.

Lucy V Hay's children, Alf and Lilirose

An example: when the Male Spawn was at primary school, I would walk him the twenty minutes there, with the Wee Girl in the pushchair; that’s a forty minute round trip, which took in town on the way back. On that basis then, I would run any errands for the day first – like going to the post office, picking up milk, buying anything else, etc. So by the time I reached home it was usually approximately half 9 and it was time for Balamory. Wee Girl would then clamber out of her pushchair and watch approximately one hour of Cbeebies. During this time I’d ignore all email and go straight to my script pages and do as much as I could. Wee Girl would burst into the kitchen at approximately half ten and then I’d take her to the park for an hour. We’d be back for approximately midday and Wee Girl would sleep for 1.5 hours. I’d do more pages. She’d wake up in time for lunch and after I’d unloaded the washing machine, etc then we’d play or do some painting or baking, before it would be time to pick up the Male Spawn from school again. After school is when ironing and other chores would get done, usually while both children played with next door’s children while their mother was doing the same as me.

The end goal was always the same: tire her out, GET HOME AND WRITE LIKE THE WIND.

It was not easy to implement this routine; Wee Girl is wilful and like most children, wants her own way. However with much tweaking and negotiating, this system worked for us for a very long time – and all days where she wasn’t at nursery became like this, more or less. I also introduced more things to do, as I became bored of going to the park – I started taking her to musical class Jo Jingles for instance, to Storytime at the local library or to “Stay and Play” at the local children’s centre. The end goal was always the same: tire her out, GET HOME AND WRITE LIKE THE WIND.

Working for actual money and/or a specific deadline or end result when there are children in the house to look after, a whole different ball game…

Writer and expectant mother, Lucy V Hay

Lucy V Hay is a parent, writer and script editor living in Bournemouth, Dorset. Currently she is working on a novel, associate producing the dark Brit Thriller DEVIATION, starring Danny Dyer & Amber Walton, planning the 2011 London Screenwriters’ Festival and also has time to write a blog at http://lucyvee.blogspot.com/

Steve Hewlett hosted the session with David Abraham, C4's Chief Exec. Minutes in he asked "Will you be sending Jay Hunt on a training course?"

What I heard loud and clear from David Abraham, Channel 4′s Chief Exec, in conversation with Steve Hewlett at the Nations and Regions Conference in Manchester, was that he, and C4 are on a big diversity spree.  Steve Hewlett launched the first salvo by asking, since the TV production staff involved in the Miriam O’Reilly case were being sent for retraining, would Abraham be sending his new Chief Creative Officer, Jay Hunt, on a training course too?  Sitting in the row in front of me, Hunt burst out laughing, and Hewlett gracefully credited Kirsty Wark with the idea.  Answer came there none from Abraham but what he did say was this – that the channel’s problem is “too much of the same old…” but that the struggle was that the current economic climate was “making risk much more expensive, but we’re Channel 4 – if we don’t take risks then who will?”  He announced that C4 now considers all content across all platforms (thoughts from Matt Locke, Acting Head of Multiplatform at C4 may one day make it to this blog),  and he then moved on to talk about “opening TV up to a full range of diverse talent” and the need for a diverse range of producers to do this.  (www.mediaparents.co.uk has a diverse range of brilliant talent).

C4 "opening TV up to a full range of diverse talent" with the Alpha Fund

Mark Thompson might be taking over the CDN (http://www.culturaldiversitynetwork.co.uk/ – did you know that one way for indies to show they are fulfilling the CDN pledge is to work with www.mediaparents.co.uk?) – but C4 are putting their money where their mouth is in the form of The Alpha Fund “supporting grass roots talent”.   £2 million will be used to fund the first stages of creative ideas, and will be allocated by the Creative Diversity Team.  (Happily I managed to bump into Ade Rawcliffe who’s on the team just after the event, and we’re going to plot ways for the Creative Diversity Team to work with Media Parents).  They’re putting money into talent spotting, and reopening the late night schedule for diverse talent.  Abraham then quoted and named a lot of people, all of whom were blokes.  We’ll get there.  Watch this space for more information from Ade.

Media City, Salford - it didn't rain once.

There’s a convergence fund too, dishing out £2 million in 2011 for apps and pioneering new ideas in creative TV.  Abraham said that C4 would set “the first ever regional targets for digital media,” declaring “investment in online has to match the creativity and ambitions of our TV divisions”.

Jay Hunt had only been in her new role a week at the time of the conference, but she will be revealing the detailed manifesto for change before long, and C4′s ambition – “Our overriding aim is to be the best broadcaster to work with.”

Channel 4 works with www.mediaparents.co.uk, please make contact through the site if you would like to too.  To hear podcasts from the Nations and Regions Conference please go here http://www.nationsandregionsmedia.org/

www.mediaparents.co.uk is a new jobs and social networking website for people who want to work flexibly in media, and companies who support that and want to benefit from experienced, diverse talent.

Angus Fletcher coaches at a Media Parents Event

Life coach Angus Fletcher, founder of Streetcoaching.com is offering free coaching sessions for people who would be filmed during coaching.  If you’re a Media Parent with something to overcome – be it motivating yourself to find work, balancing the demands of  TV and parenting, learning new stress management techniques – you name it, Angus would like to hear from you.  Please click here for contact details http://www.streetcoaching.com/

please share this new Ruby Wax promo for Media Parents with as many employers as you can!

www.mediaparents.co.uk is a new jobs and social networking website for people who want to work flexibly in media. If you would like to share your experience on our blog please email admin@mediaparents.co.uk or contact us through the Media Parents site

Ruby Wax wants your jobs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4CskzWXBI0

Media Parents members generally admit to a communal dread of networking events, so they were out in force to pick up tips from www.magickey.co.uk life coach Lyn Burgess at a Media Parents event kindly hosted by Prime Focus in Soho.

Lyn Burgess from The Magic Key Partnership is a consummate networker.

Lyn told us we would be analyzing our limiting beliefs and learning how to get rid of them, and we would learn how to make ourselves feel more confident before a networking event.  Bring it on.

So why were Media Parents members keen to network?  For support, to do research, broaden horizons, make money, to get out of the house, make contacts, promote ourselves, share ideas and recommend people.

Media Parents networkers Natalie Barb, Karen Ackerman, Lucy Sandys-Winsch, Lorraine Molloy and Michelle Martin listening to Lyn Burgess.

Lyn told us that it’s rare to actually get a job directly through networking but there’s a phrase called “paying it forward” in networking which is the belief that if you sort out opportunities for others then it will eventually come around for you.  Hope so.

So why NOT network?  It’s hard work, there’s a fear of rejection, shyness stops us, it’s relentless and sometimes boring.  You can end up making a gaffe (Is here the place to admit that last time I was at the Edinburgh TV Festival I bounded up to Jimmy Carr after a great session and said “Well done, Alan.”?)  We’re afraid of bothering people, feeling / seeming needy, we feel fake, don’t want to seem desperate – we’re too entrenched in our limiting beliefs to make the time to do it.

Hazel Palmer, Philippa Robinson and Prime Focus's Sara Hill get rid of some limiting beliefs.

Here’s how to get rid of a limiting belief.  Get a pen and paper. Draw a table top (big enough to write on, and it’s going to have legs in a minute).

Write your limiting belief on the table top. (Ours were about networking, but it could be a limiting belief about anything).  Here are some of the things people wrote: “I’m not good at selling myself to people I don’t know”. “I might not meet the right people”.  ”I don’t feel I’m good enough”. “It’s hard work talking to strangers”. “I’m too old”. Heck.

Then you draw the 4 table legs, and down each leg you write a reason why you feel that way.  So if your limiting belief is “I’m not good at selling myself to people I don’t know” you might write “I’m shy in groups”, “I think of all my career negatives”, “I engage my mouth before my brain” and “I’ve been staying at home too much”.

Next to each leg you write the counter argument – “Even a shy person can try to talk to anyone – what’s the worst that could happen?”, “Remember the praise I’ve had at work, and what I can do”, “I can research, plan ahead and have some things prepared to say”, “I will get out more”.

Scribble out the negatives, score through the limiting belief on the table top, screw up the paper and chuck it in the bin.  You’ll have engaged different parts of your brain to do this exercise – creative, analytical, emotional, physical (who doesn’t find screwing up paper just a little bit satisfying?) – and that process helps you to move on and leave your limiting belief behind.  ”Get it out of your head, onto a page, and then let it go.”

Now close your eyes.

Next Lyn taught us an NLP exercise.  How do we want to feel before a networking event?  Confident! (Unanimous).  Close your eyes, take a couple of deep breaths and imagine a time when you felt confident.  Visualize your state of mind, your surroundings etc and try to feel that you are there, feeling that feeling.  Now, with your eyes still closed, make a gesture with your hand.  Whenever you make this gesture, you will bring back your feelings of confidence.

"This gesture is your 'anchor' - you can't wear it out but you need to use it to feel the benefit", Lyn Burgess.

“This gesture is your ‘anchor’ – you can’t wear it out, but you need to use it to feel the benefit” Lyn told us.

Have a go, why not?

Stuck for something to say?  Here’s an acronym to help: FORM

Family

Occupation

Recreation

Motivation

If you’re flying solo trying to break into a group then look around the room for signals – eye contact, smiling, a friendly face will do.  You can always ask “Can I join you?” It’s rare that anyone will say no.

Questions from the floor: “How much chat should be about yourself?” “Less than you think”.  Ask questions too.  ”What should you do if you’re out of work?” “Don’t worry about it.  Never apologise for what you haven’t done”. Prepare – research, it will help you feel more confident.  If you want a job at a particular company find out what they’re doing at the moment, watch their stuff. “Identify what you are or what you want and confidence will follow”.  ”How do you approach career gaps?” “With confidence.  If you say ‘I’ve had kids’ in a confident way, people accept it”.

And with that they hit the booze and started networking.

David Vallance and Eoin O'Shea knock it back.

A good time was had by all. As Guy Lambert put it "It ruled. Good times".

Lyn Burgess is a life coach running The Magic Key Partnership www.magickey.co.uk .  As a specialist in the film and television industry, Lyn has experience of working with hundreds of producers, directors, writers and actors since the company was established in 2002.

Much of Lyn’s work with clients revolves around career – keeping things in perspective, improving motivation for freelancers, transition from one role to another, building up confidence and networking for career development.

The Magic Key Partnership runs workshops on a monthly basis and one to one coaching for clients via email, telephone or Skype.

Lyn has kindly offered a discount on one-to-one coaching sessions or workshops to members of Media Parents.

www.mediaparents.co.uk - the jobs and social networking site for short term, part time, job share and regular hours jobs in media

If you liked this, you may also like these practical networking tips:

https://blog.mediaparents.co.uk/2010/12/how-to-network-effectively/

Eoin O'Shea's limiting belief was soon toast.

"Get it out of your head, onto a page, then let it go".

Kate Middleton knew that very soon her surname would be her own again, and then there would be no stopping her.

I’m delighted to announce our next event – Tiger Aspect meets Media Parents.

www.mediaparents.co.uk is a new jobs and social networking website for people who want to work flexibly in media.

This is an exclusive opportunity for Media Parents to meet Creative Heads, Executive Producers and Production Managers from Tiger Aspect. The Company is renowned for the breadth and depth of its portfolio. Tiger Aspect produces Drama, Comedy, Entertainment, Factual, Children’s and Animation.

Interested?

Tiger Aspect HR Director Helen Matthews was so impressed by the talent she met at the Media Parents CV Event (see blog.mediaparents.co.uk) that she persuaded Tiger Aspect’s managers to take part, and was supported wholeheartedly by Tiger Aspect’s founder Peter Bennett-Jones.

Helen Matthews is HR Director at Tiger Aspect

There are 50 places available for Media Parents talent to meet Tiger Aspect both in an informal networking session and a timed appointment set-up on the evening. If you would like to attend this event you’ll need to submit your CV and covering letter for selection and admission will be by ticket only through http://mediaparentsmeetstiger.eventbrite.com

This event is for subscribers to  www.mediaparents.co.uk and to encourage new people to join our network, and there will be a small admin charge. Tiger Aspect are inviting experienced talent from across the board to come and meet them – PMs, PDs, picture editors, directors, SPs, execs, EPs, APs, researchers, shooters, co-ordinators, writers so please purchase a ticket and send a CV marked with your full name, job title and ticket number to events@mediaparents.co.uk

If you have any questions please email events@mediaparents.co.uk but hopefully this covers it.

Media Parents thanks Tiger Aspect and Soho House for their support for this event –  www.mediaparents.co.uk – yeah!

www.mediaparents.co.uk is a new jobs and social networking website for people who want to work flexibly in media. If you would like to share your experience on our blog please email admin@mediaparents.co.uk or contact us through the Media Parents site

Media Parents went on a networking jaunt to the Nations and Regions Conference at Salford last week with mixed results : stalked Alex Connock, bungled it with Steve Hewlett, hit it off with Skillset Scotland and convinced a cracking lady MD to write for the blog.  The conference itself was very interesting, and great to meet people, but I am glad that Media Parents is hosting this : https://blog.mediaparents.co.uk/2011/01/new-year-new-you-jan-5th-event-how-to-network/ Albeit a little late for me.

Media City, Salford - hasn't she grown?

Steve Hewlett chaired (more on him later) introducing a great opening Q&A session with Kirsty Wark interviewing Left Bank Pictures supremo Andy Harries.  Andy Harries is the guy Paul Greengrass called “a bright colour in a sea of grey execs”.  I’m not going to transcribe the conversation, just pick some of the useful or interesting bits. (Hopefully).

On leaving Granada to set up his Left Bank Pictures Harries said “Once The Queen rattled through to The Oscars, I just thought ‘Well, I’ve got to do it’”.  On running his own company: “I’ve never worked so hard in my life”. Quite.

Rumours that Andy Harries has turned to the bottle are just a silly gag.

When Andy Harries rallied and told Kirsty Wark he’d always been a big multi-tasker she quipped “Are you a woman?”  then went on to observe that Left Bank’s showreel, which was of considerable length, solely featured male actors.  Having warmed up, Wark then went on to take Harries to task for working largely with male writers and directors.  He admitted that he could do better, but shortly afterwards we watched a clip of The Royle Family, directed and jointly written by Caroline Aherne.  (Sue Johnston and Liz Smith reduced me to tears in about 2 minutes, which I fear is not proper behaviour at a conference.  I managed silent sobbing but the person next to me probably got wet.)

Kirsty Wark asks Andy Harries "Are you a woman?"

On his intense relationships with writers Harries remarked “If you haven’t got the writer, you haven’t got anything” and on The Royle Family scripts “I thought ‘Jesus Christ this is Alan Bennett in Manchester form’”.  The Royle Family was commissioned apparently as a blind pilot – that’s amazing isn’t it?  Who takes those risks now?

They went on to talk about The Deal, and how David Morrissey had, for the two weeks between his first casting audition and his callback for Stephen Frears, gone and lived in Gordon Brown’s constituency in Scotland so he could nail the accent.  I like that.  We also heard that ITV dropped The Deal just before it went into production because they were in negotiation with the government over their own deal.  Lucky Channel4.  But then fortune often favours the brave.

Final word from Andy Harries on having his pitches rejected by the BBC (3 in a day, apparently) “If you get stuck on looking for a director, or looking for the money, start with the actor”.  The Queen, apparently was inspired by the feeling that Helen Mirren  was somewhat regal – it was only after she expressed interest that the writing began.  If you haven’t got the writer and the talent, perhaps, you haven’t got anything.  ”It doesn’t get any easier” Harries said, “you have to have a level playing field for everybody”.

Next : David Abraham, C4 Chief Exec’s keynote speech. To hear podcasts from the Nations and Regions Conference go here http://www.nationsandregionsmedia.org/

www.mediaparents.co.uk is a new jobs and social networking website for people who want to work flexibly in media. If you would like to share your experience on our blog please email admin@mediaparents.co.uk or contact us through the Media Parents site

www.mediaparents.co.uk is a new jobs and social networking website for people who want to work flexibly in media

Following the success of the Life Coaching session with Angus Fletcher, More Than Resolutions for 2011, Media Parents is delighted to be working with Lyn Burgess from The Magic Key Partnership who will be coaching on How to Network.

At this session for Media Parents members from 7 – 9pm on Tuesday 25th January in Soho, Lyn Burgess will be exploring limiting beliefs (and how to get rid of them), looking at feeling positive (and how to get there quickly) and discussing what to say.  There will be an experiential element to the session plus a Q&A – perfectly timed just before our next event where Media Parents members will have the opportunity to network with execs across the board at one of the UK’s largest indies (more details soon).  To reserve a place at Lyn Burgess’s lifecoaching session please email admin@mediaparents.co.uk

Life coach Lyn Burgess from www.magickey.co.uk

Lyn Burgess is a life coach running The Magic Key Partnership www.magickey.co.uk .  As a specialist in the film and television industry, Lyn has experience of working with hundreds of producers, directors, writers and actors since the company was established in 2002.

Having previously worked in various operational roles, including Human Resources Director, for a number of years within the financial services industry, her philosophy on management has always taken a coaching bias.

The client base for The Magic Key Partnership includes emerging talent as well as Bafta winners and her clients include those making films with micro to multi million pound budgets, and those working within continuing drama on television.

Much of Lyn’s work with clients revolves around career – keeping things in perspective, improving motivation for freelancers, transition from one role to another, building up confidence and networking for career development.

The Magic Key Partnership runs workshops on a monthly basis and one to one coaching for clients via email, telephone or Skype.

Lyn has offered a discount on one-to-one coaching sessions or workshops to members of Media Parents.

Lyn Burgess 0845 129 7401

07801 366418

lyn@magickey.co.uk

www.magickey.co.uk

If you would like to read more about networking, click here:

https://blog.mediaparents.co.uk/2010/12/how-to-network-effectively/

To reserve a place at the How to Network coaching session please email admin@mediaparents.co.uk

www.mediaparents.co.uk worked with Life Coach Angus Fletcher www.angusfletcher.com and www.streetcoaching.com, to work out what people wanted from 2011 and how to achieve it.

Angus Fletcher addresses a full house of 26 people from Media Parents at his life coaching session

This blog will be a mixture of Angus’s wisdom as seen through the eyes of different people at the event.  First, me.  In a room full of do-ers, Angus asked us to step back from “doing”, and start connecting with our “feelings”.

Alex Evans introduces herself to Kylie McCarroll, and Jo Molloy, centre

As an icebreaker he asked us each to approach 3 different people in the room that we didn’t already know, and ask “how are you feeling about 2011?”

And with that the evening launched.  There was a mixture of answers “optimism”, “anxiety”, “apprehension”, “excitement”, “determination”, but not many more than that – most of us were in the same headspace.

Angus asked “Think about what you want to achieve and how you want to be when you are doing those things – decide on your emotional response.”

We then were asked to do a visualization exercise.  ”If you’re feeling that this is all a bit touchy feely for you, and you’re thinking ‘Oh no’, please channel your creativity and think ‘Oh yes’,”  Angus asked.  ”Close your eyes and imagine it’s been the year you wanted.  See yourself in a place at the beginning of 2012 and see how you feel there.”

"If you're thinking 'Oh no', please channel your creativity and think 'Oh yes!'"

People felt peaceful, emotional, calm.  Someone said “I imagined my house, painted.”  Angus explained “This is the big A Agenda”, the endgame, “versus the small a agenda – the steps to get to the result.  Create a measurable feeling of how you want to become and the visualization will pull you forward”.  Perhaps you had to be there.  But the idea of breaking down your plan into small tasks makes sense.  ”Having imagined the bigger feeling, think of shorter term practical tasks”.

"Think about what you want to achieve and how you want to be when you are doing those things"

PECSAW is an acronym used to achieve “well-formed outcomes”.  Get there, I suppose.  It stands for :

Positive

Evidence

Context

Self Achievable

Advantages / Disadvantages

Worthwhile

so – frame your goal in POSITIVE language  (less stressed, for example should be “calmer”).  What would be the EVIDENCE of that?  Sleeping better could be one outcome.  CONTEXT is the part of your life you want to achieve this outcome – at home / at work, you choose.  SELF ACHIEVABLE? Can I do it myself or do I need to influence things that are external.  ADVANTAGES/ DISADVANTAGES are obvious, and whether it’s WORTHWHILE should determine whether you bother to try doing it, I guess.

"Is it self-achievable?" Course it is.

In the discussion that followed this, someone bravely admitted “I spend my life trying to find disadvantages – that’s why I’m here.  These are the things I need to change”.  Angus coached us on “filtering” to focus on the positives as well as the negatives.

Someone else told me “I’m not feeling as positive as when I came in, but I think that’s because I’m feeling more realistic about what I want to achieve (and that it might be possible). Just being here is a positive for me, creating the time to think about things”.

We moved on – here’s someone else’s view of the evening, lifted from the Media Parents watercooler:

“Angus’s life coaching session was a good introduction – and left
me wanting more. For those unable to make it we touched briefly on where we wanted to be in a year’s time (focusing on emotional association rather than career or practical ones). Angus, the life coach, then asked us to reflect on a struggle that we had overcome in 2010 – identifying those strengths we had inside that helped us achieve this. We had to predict what our hurdles would be in 2011 and showed us briefly that we had it in us to access those strengths that we had already possessed.”

"Is the hurdle internal or external? If you're thinking it's a huge thing it's probably YOU".

Angus asked “Is the hurdle internal or external? If you are finding it hard to identify whether the hurdle is internal or external, it’s probably internal (you). If you’re thinking it’s a huge thing – it’s probably you”.  That’s a hell of a home truth to contemplate.  Debbie said “Last year I made a big decision to keep stress in different compartments when I was working and moving house at the same time – that’s work / this is life”.   Someone else told me “It’s been good to vocalise what’s been going on internally.  I’m definitely going to think more about advantages”.

Angus encouraged us to “recognise that you may face hurdles and be prepared for them.  If you want the confidence to become ‘intentional’ then don’t take these things by chance – think about how you feel when you feel confident and learn to turn on those behaviours so that your feeling of confidence isn’t by chance but you can summon it.”

Here’s a list of SUCCESSFUL BEHAVIOURS:

"I feel more positive and more focused"

being intentional

expanding your range and flexibility

being curious

zooming in / zooming out (to look at detail or the bigger picture)

noticing your impact

building rapport

focusing on the result

Thanks to life coach Angus Fletcher for an inspiring evening at ENVY

Overwhelmingly the people from Media Parents who took part in the workshop felt that working with Angus had positively influenced their outlook for the year ahead.  Here are a few comments made anonymously “I will be more definite about what I want”. “I’ve realised that my biggest hurdle is me and my attitude”.  ”I’m going to take more risks this year”. “I had a good laugh and got a lot from the energy of the group”. “I feel more upbeat about tackling the year ahead”.

If you’d like to look at Angus Fletcher’s powerpoint presentation of the evening, please click here: MediaParentsPresentation To discuss life coaching with Angus and benefit from a discount he’s offering to Media Parents members, please go to www.angusfletcher.com or click the logo.